He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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