There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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