Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
