and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
