if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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