I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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