I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
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