May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize