party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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