Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
