Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize