Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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