I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
