what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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