what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize