My Higher Power is John Stamos
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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