I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
