He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i need an iv and a liver transplant
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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