We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
