So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
