I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
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