Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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