I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
