i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
