It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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