It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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