Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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