she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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