woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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