Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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