clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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