Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
