About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
soo... how was my night?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
