shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
