i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
