I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
