Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
