They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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