Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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