im drinking this country out of the recession.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
