I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
