We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
