I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
