is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
