Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize