if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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