So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
