i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
