Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
