dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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