She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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