the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
