everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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