Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
