i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
