he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
