We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
