You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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