I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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