and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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