Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
