i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
