By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
