I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
