Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
