I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
