She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
