he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
