I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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