Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
