Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
