Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
