I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
