It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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