My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
