"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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