I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
