Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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