chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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